Frequently Asked Twin Questions – And a Better Way to Answer them

Q: Oh my goodness!  Are you guys twins?!

A: No.  We’re the start to a clone army.

Q: Can you read each other’s thoughts?

A: Yes. In fact I’m getting a message right now. . . “I can’t believe we’re hearing that stupid question again”.

Q: Hey–if I pinch her, will you feel it?

A: Do you see nerves hanging between us?

Q: You’re like one person right?

A: Yes, yes we are one person. The fact that there are two very distinct persons in front of you is just an illusion.  I’m actually carrying a giant mirror next to me.

Q: Wow! So, like, you guys were born on the same day?!

A: Actually, we’re ten years apart.  Time warp.  True story.

Q: So you like all the same things, right?

A: Oh yes.  We like to chew glass, eat pudding at midnight, and waste our lives searching for the wonder wart.  Together. 
Really?

No.  We are two separate people with two different life experiences.  We share some interests, but not others.

Q: Hey, can you two stand next to each other so I can scrutinize your every flaw to find a way to tell you apart?

A: Okay, we’ll trade flaw-for-flaw.  My eyes are closer together?  You have a big nose. Snap a couple photos while you’re at it.  That’ll be fifty bucks.  What?  The privilege of staring at this much beauty has a price you know!

Q: How can I tell you apart?

A: If I tell you that I’d have to kill you.

Q: Which one are you?

A: Depends.  If you’re trying to find the twin you’re mad at, I’m not her.  If you’re trying to find the twin you owe money to, she’s riiiiiight here.

 

You Know You’re A Twin If. . .

1. You’ve ever had a problem figuring out who you are in old family photos.

2. You’ve ever been greeted by someone you don’t know as if you’re old-time friends.

3. Friends get their memories of you confused with memories of another person.  Constantly.

4. You are frequently asked “which one are you?” by even your closest friends.

5. You have a best friend/worst enemy that knows everything about you.

6. You are commanded to stand next to someone for comparison.

7. You have to explain to people that you are not telepathic.

8. You can speak in sync perfectly with another person.

9. You frequently answer questions at the exact same time in the exact same voice as someone else.

10. You pause at the end of your sentences, waiting for someone to finish it.

11.  You’ve ever caused someone to exclaim, “OH MY WORD! THERE’S TWO OF YOU!!”

12.   You are ready at a moment’s notice to lay your life down for another person.

13.  Your relatives think it’s cute if you dress alike.

14. You often get confused by mirrors.

15. You were given matching outfits as children.

16. Growing up, your mom couldn’t walk down the street without strangers stopping her to stare at the ‘two little cuties.’

17. People often don’t call you by name, but instead use the phrase: “One of you” or “whichever one you are”.

18. You are constantly compared to another person.  Grades, weight, looks, careers, interests, etc.

19. Planning your birthday involves a lot of compromises.

20. You hear all the lame twin jokes.

~Shortcake and Goomba

The Rules of Twinhood

1. The seat beside you is always reserved for your twin.

2. Your comfort zone is your twin.

3. You are always on your twin’s side. If she is in a fight, you are in a fight, and you are fighting together.

4. Forgive your twin for all and always.

5. Support your twin in her ideas. Criticize with care, do not be blunt, do not be dishonest.

6. NEVER EVER LIE TO YOUR TWIN.

7. Secrets should not be kept in twinhood, it is pointless, she knows it anyway.

8. Always be prepared to rescue your twin from an awkward conversation.

9. Defend your twin, trust your twin, keep yourself trustworthy to your twin.

10. Make time for your twin, no matter how busy you are.